January-March: A Cinematic Wasteland

I would like to go back in time and punish the studio suits who decided that it wasn't worth their while to open decent movies post-Christmas. What the hell is a cinephile to do? We don't all live in NYC where alternatives such as the Angelika or Landmark East exist to tide us over til the frost thaws. Checking out the listings for tonight, this is what I see: 1. Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who aka Madagascar meets Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Gag me. 2. 10,000 B.C. Where is the Rock? This movie was better when it was called Scorpion King 3. College Road Trip, because "Are We Done Yet?" wasn't enough. 4. Vantage Point. Granted, this sounded great, so kudos to the team who cut the trailer because from what I hear, it's the best part of the movie. The rest is a yawn. I want Matthew Fox naked! 5. Doomsday aka 28 days later aka Twelve Monkeys aka about a dozen other movies who have done it better. Why?!? WHY?! 6. The Bank Job. see above. Didn't Jason Statham already make this movie? Hasn't this been done to death and by people twice as talented! 7. Never Back Down aka Tough White Kids. Like in Karate Kid. And Step Up. Except without the redeeming factors of Mr. Miyagi and sweet dance moves. 8. Semi-Pro. A carbon copy of Blades of Glory, and when is a copy as good as the original? 9. The Other Boleyn Girl. If there were ever a period piece to be rated R, it would be this. But no, just PG-13. As much of a bore as Girl with A Pearl Earring. 10. Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day-The only thing that sparks a glimmer of interest, but only in relation to the other meager offerings. I got enough of perky Amy Adams in Enchanted. My first order of business as a studio big shot will be to throw out all the idiots who thought these movies would actually generate revenue and retool the winter season so movies that are both entertaining AND profitable make their way to the masses.