The Dangers of Employment

What they don't tell you about getting a job is how much it can get in the way of your plans.  Sure, being poor also tends to do that, but at least it's a little easier on your time.  I can't remember the last time I had the energy to think long and hard about my web project, let alone compose a blogpost.  With poverty came hunger and creativity, and with employment, complacency and a certain drabness.  While my job has taught me new skills, brought me to my dream apartment, introduced me to exciting and interesting folks, and nudged me forward on my path to being an adult, I can't help but mourn my freedom a bit.  It's true, I now have freedom from worry about bills, credit card debt, and dining out, but I've lost the freedom to think, be creative and develop new stories.

Every morning I wake up and tell myself "Today is the day where you'll save a little energy to work on your projects".  Cut to - evening.  Me in bed watching other people's projects, completely spent from my day.  Creative energy exists in finite amounts, and when the well is tapped by other sources, it takes more than sleep alone to refill it. 

Does this mean I don't want it enough? Sometimes I worry.  There are so many who have navigated these waters before me with greater dexterity.  Like them, I've talked for so long about how much I want to tell stories--mine or otherwise--but I'm worried that it's become lip service in my case.  Yet when I finally do get those few moments in my week or month, when I have both time and energy to think and dream and create, I'm surprised and reassured  by the amount of passion I still have for my ideas. 

Its unfortunate my employment has had to coincide with the crescendo of so many of my personal goals.   I guess in the scheme of things, having too much to do is always better than too little.  I just hope I can figure out a way to better balance my plans for Rodshire, USA with my job so that one day, I may be lucky enough to have my employment and side projects be one and the same.