Nancy Kerrigan skates again!

Well, not really. But she, T. Harding and K. Yamaguchi did make an appearance Saturday night for the fabulous "it used to be cool" party. As did Gwen Stefani, BUM athletics and Big Dog t-shirts, spiked hair, and backward hats. Overall, the lack of costume ingenuity was disappointing at best, but it did make the figure skating trio shine even brighter. I really hope the dearth in dress-up Saturday night is not representative of adult attitudes toward costume parties. Costuming is like a get out of jail free card. Its an excuse to adopt another persona and not answer for your actions. Even if you're not quite adopting the personality of your character, everyone will pretty much forgive what you do anyway. I'll be sad if being a grown up means no more pretend because I don't think I'll ever grow out of playing dress-up.

And Now For Something I Know Nothing About...March Madness

I know about as much about NCAA Basketball bracketology as I do rocket science, but fortunately my friend Walker is a little better informed. Below are his picks for your reading pleasure.

After four non stop days of NCAA tourney action last weekend we’ve been graced with four days (good thing or bad thing…you decide) to stop, breathe, analyze, and breakdown the remaining 16 teams in the tournament. So, with four more days of basketball looming starting tonight and continuing through Sunday when the Final Four entrants will be set, where exactly do we stand? +/-

East Region: The Games: No. 4 Washington State vs. No. 1 North Carolina, Thursday, 7:27 PM ET; No. 3 Louisville vs. No. 2 Tennessee, 9:57 PM ET The Chalk: North Carolina became the first team to score over 100 points in their first two NCAA games since Loyola Marymount pulled off the feat in a surprise run to the Sweet 16. With Ty Lawson officially back and Psycho T in typical form, UNC is the established frontrunner to win the title. The Tar Heels will try to stay hot against a Washington state team that over the past three halves of basketball has limited first and second round opponents Winthrop and Notre Dame to an absurdly low 52 points. Something’s got to give. Against any other team Washington State might have a chance, but going up against a determined and experienced UNC club hungry for a championship, in Charlotte no less, makes it an extremely uphill battle for the Cougars.

Opposite that, Louisville, perhaps the only team in the tournament playing as well as UNC, takes on Tennessee, which after letting American hang around too long and then surviving Butler in overtime, has not looked impressive thus far. Add Rick Pitino’s coaching ability with the Cardinal’s deep roster and it equals the tournament’s most threatening non No. 1 seeded team. For Tennessee to prevail, star Chris Loften will need to be on top of his game and “da Smith boyz” will need to provide him with adequate backup scoring. The Picks: As good was Wazzu is on defense, no one is going to stand in the way of this Carolina ball club right now; UNC wins going away while Louisville delivers Tennessee the loss it deserved against Butler before falling to Carolina in a double overtime thriller in the East Regional final.

West Region: The Games: No. 7 West Virginia vs. No. 3 Xavier, Thursday, 7:10 PM ET; No. 12 Western Kentucky vs. No 1. UCLA, 9:40 PM ET The Chalk: Xavier takes its multi-balanced offense west to Phoenix to do what Duke and Arizona couldn’t, stop versatile forward Joe Alexander and knock off the three-point minded Mountaineers. With memories of last year’s second round collapse and loss to Ohio State finally exorcised, the X-Men will hope to get off to a quicker start than they have in wins over Georgia and Purdue.

After narrowly avoiding an upset of epic proportions against Texas A&M, UCLA attempts to get back on track against Western Kentucky, a team that has had no shortage of drama itself – advancing past Drake in the first round by nailing a buzzer beating three in overtime. UCLA’s half-court man-to-man defense is as good as anyone and while the Hilltoppers will look to get out and run and make this a high scoring affair, UCLA and Kevin Love should be able to refocus and snuff out WKU’s dreams of advancing. The Picks: Xavier’s balanced scoring paces the Musketeers past WVU while the Bruins come out fired up and jump all over Western Kentucky to cruise to an easy win; Ben Howland gets one step closer to a National Championship as UCLA suffocates Xavier’s perimeter threats in the regional final.

Midwest Region: The Games: No. 10 Davidson vs. No. 3 Wisconsin, Friday, 7:10 ET; No. 12 Villanova vs. No. 1 Kansas, Friday 9:40 ET The Chalk: Without a doubt, Stephen Curry and 10^th seeded Davidson has been the story of the tourney to date. In upsets wins over Gonzaga and mighty Georgetown, Curry dropped 40 and 30 points respectively, with the bulk of those points (55) coming in the second half of both games. Davidson, a school with an enrollment of under 1,500, was down 17 points against the Hoyas with just under ten minutes remaining before Curry took over and well, how to put this eloquently, made it rain.

The Wildcats were rewarded with a Sweet Sixteen match up against Wisconsin; the Badgers shot a blistering 52.2% from the field while manhandling Kansas State in the second round in what was likely Michael Beasley’s last collegiate appearance. Unless Curry can explode for another 30 plus night, which will be a tough task against a defense that ranks top ten in the nation, Davidson’s run will come to an end.

On the other end of the bracket Kansas matches up with Villanova. While the Midwest region’s other Wildcats stormed back to beat Clemson (not exactly a team known for its postseason prowess) in the first round and then shook off pesky Siena, they don’t match up well against the talented Jayhawks who are licking their chops for their first Final Four trip since 2003 when they fell to Syracuse in the championship game. The Picks: Wisconsin over Davidson in a close, low scoring affair. Kansas runs away from Villanova early and Bill Self gets the Final Four monkey off his back as his Jayhawks trump Wisconsin in the regional final.

South Region: The Games: No. 3 Stanford vs. No. 2 Texas, Friday, 7:27 PM ET; No. 5 Michigan State vs. No. 1 Memphis, Friday, 9:57 PM ET The Chalk: Stop the twin towers of the Lopez brothers and Stanford will fall harder and faster than their stately tree mascot would if the History Channel’s “Ax Men” set upon it. Guard D.J. Augustin is the key for Texas, if he can penetrate and dish to open teammates that can finish, the Longhorns should advance. If not, and Brooke and Robin set up shop down low, the Cardinal could be on to the Elite Eight.

Although you wouldn’t know it from watching ESPN, Memphis, the number one ranked team in the country for a good deal of the season, is still playing ball. The Tigers get an interesting match up, facing a Michigan State team that seemed to peak in December and is flying under the radar. There’s no disputing that Tom Izzo is one of the best postseason coaches around and the Spartans, after knocking off chic Final Four pick Pittsburgh, could be poised for another shocker. The Picks: While no one questions Stanford exploits, not many expected the Cardinal to get this far. The Lopez twins combine to score 50 and Stanford surprisingly advances. There’s a reason Memphis has been doubted all season, and Michigan State, thanks to a prolific performance by Drew Neitzel, confirms those doubter’s thoughts, creating the most unexpected Elite Eight matchup. The Lopez twins continue they’re roll, give the Pac-10 two Final Four teams, and get a shot at revenge against UCLA.

Damn it Feels Good To Be A Gangster

So today I was blessed to find in my gmail inbox a guest post from the venerable Ms Allison Metz, of the Midwest Metz's:

When I was first asked to write on a topic that I consider myself to be an expert on, I questioned whether or not I was good enough to appear in Awkward/Juxtaposition. Certain that I possessed enough awkwardness to make up for any lack of talent in the blogging world, I forged forward. Just as a side note, some of you might be familiar with my work in The Mount Holyoke News. Perhaps that really analytical piece I wrote on honey mustard? Rest assured, I AM available for autographs.

Enough about me, I want to get to the meat of a really important issue. Lately I’ve been referred to as the connoisseur of reality television. It’s not a title I take lightly. It takes many years of practice to be considered an expert in this field. You may be wondering how I acquired such an important position at a very young age. It’s taken a lot of time and effort, but every day when I come home from work, I plop myself in front of the television and watch anywhere from two to four hours of pure crap. I’ve learned a lot and that’s what I’m here to write about.

Before I unveil this masterpiece, let me first begin by telling all of you non-reality lovers to shut the hell up. If one more of you tells me I’m sick, wasting my time or don’t recognize quality television programs, I will spit on you and your mother. I watch reality television because I love to watch stupid people. They make me feel good about myself. And no one makes me feel better about myself than the Real Housewives of New York City. Bravo’s newest show, a spin-off of the Real Housewives of Orange County, follows five wealthy women around as they make pretentious comments, date ugly men and spend a lot of money on outdated clothing.

I’ve read a lot of pretentious reviews of this show and they’re all wrong. +/-

This is not social commentary, this is not reverse feminism, this is just plain old good shit. In order for you to truly understand how amazing this show is, allow me to provide you with a brief description of the characters.

Ramona: O, Ramona. I usually don’t like to use this phrase when referring to women, but she’s a stupid whore. Her daughter and husband think so too, but they let her do her thing. I’ve watched Ramona push her friend into a pool, threaten to drown a dog and walk around in a bra she thought was a shirt. Just to provide you with an accurate mental picture, she resembles Britney Spears, after she went crazy.

Jill: Jill, Jill, Jill. When will you realize you’re ugly? Jill is from Long Island and thinks she’s important. She’s not. To make her feel better about herself, she brings her gay friend in a pink cowboy hat every where she goes and makes sure everyone in the room knows that he is gay, just in case we couldn’t figure it out.

Countess a.k.a. LuAnn: You’re name is LuAnn, therefore you can’t be pretentious, but you still are. She’s one of the better housewives because she’s a bitch and not afraid to admit it. As a side note, her husband is anywhere from 20-70 years older than her.

Bethenny: She’s my fav. She knows her friends suck, and constantly points out their flaws. She also dates a bald, divorced man. She likes to rub his head and ask when they’ll get married.

Alex: I saved the best for last. She can’t afford to live in Manhattan, but to make up for her move to Brooklyn, she is the most pretentious of all the women. She shows off her saggy butt as she vacations in St. Barts. Alex also has the most peculiar home life. She’s actually married to a gay man. Unfortunately, both her and her husband are in denial about his sexuality. Her children are named Francois and Johan. They have French names and are learning to speak French, but aren’t actually French. In fact, they have no connection to France whatsoever. Her kids are also partially retarded. They can’t form words and were denied entrance to every private school in NYC.

So tune in and stop pretending you’re not intrigued. Tuesdays at 10 on Bravo. It will no doubt change your entire perspective on television.

R.I.P. W.G.A.

What the writers didn't realize, or chose to ignore, when they went on strike November 5th was the long-term effects their ballyhooing would have on their careers. An article in this Monday's Variety takes stock of the combined elements of the strike, recession, and threat of a SAG walkout to come up with a very doom and gloom prophecy for the future of scripted television. Any motivation by studio execs to "take risks" with projects that once fell within the television norm has been killed by the never ending stream of low concept, low budget reality TV shows. Why pay overheard for writers when trash is free? The leverage writers thought they had gained in protesting the yet-to-be-determined revenue models for internet distribution was really just an attractive pipe dream. Hollywood and TV land are downsizing, and writers are the most expendable product.

Two Trains Running

Caught a great August Wilson play last night as part of the August Wilson retrospective at the Kennedy Center. I convinced my friend Brett to blog about it for me because I'm too lazy.

Last night Julia and I went to see a reading of August Wilson’s “Two Train’s Running” at the Kennedy Center (which, I was excited to learn, featured Glynn Turman, who played “Mayor Clarence Royce” on “The Wire”). If I had any apprehensions about the fact that it was a reading–where the actors read from a script instead of from memory–those concerns were quickly assuaged by the high-quality of the set, the scoring, and even the sometimes inventive ways that the actors concealed their scripts. Set in a local Pittsburgh grill, the actors turned their scripts into menus and trays of short-ribs, while the songs of Marvin Gaye set the mood for this impassioned exploration of post-Civil Rights black life.

Amid the compelling lives, deaths, romances, and travails that are the staples of good drama, “Two Trains Running” also offers a spirited discussion of the assassination of Martin Luther King (who was killed, according to one character, “because he was a Saint”) and some unexpected criticisms of the Black Power movement. These forays into the familiar conflicts of the era still manage to be insightful, and, along with a gentrification sub-plot and a survey of local cultural institutions, cohere into a wholly vibrant period piece.+/-

The entire play is superbly acted, most notably by Hassan El-Amin. What I found most interesting, though, was the strong undercurrent of a demand for reparations that ran throughout Wilson’s play. “Hambone,” the indigent, developmentally challenged character who seems to exemplify the futility of black protest, stands outside the white grocery store everyday, chanting, “I want my ham!” He ultimately gets his ham, but not until after he has any use for it. Echoing the tragic unfulfilled promise of “forty acres and a mule,” “Memphis” recounts how, back in Mississippi, he watched the gruesome killing and mutilation of his mule by whites eager to steal the land that he had made profitable. These metaphors, like the literal scars that cover the bodies of two of the play’s central figures, add the kind of symbolic depth that typify why Wilson’s vivid depictions of black life are among the most celebrated works of the twentieth century.

“Two Trains Running” is a fantastic play, and the cast and crew manage to do it justice even as a reading; it is the kind of powerful drama to which “The Wire” is undoubtably indebted.

Kids Today...

I'm totally guilty of this too. It hearkens back to my earlier post about patience--why are we so hard to satisfy?

"And once you do get somewhere, wherever it might be, you'll find that, as Gertrude Stein has it, there's "no there there." At a student party, about a fourth of the people have their cellphones locked to their ears. What are they doing? "They're talking to their friends." About? "About another party they might conceivably go to." And naturally the simulation party is better than the one that they're now at (and not at), though of course there will be people at that party on their cellphones, talking about other simulacrum gatherings, spiraling on into M.C. Escher infinity."

--Professor Edmundson

Politically Incorrect Humor.

Can you imagine if THAT were caught on tape? Oi vey...

Eyesore or Eye candy?

There goes the neighborhood. Julian Schnabel's pretentious Palazzo Chupi sits like a regal poodle high above the peasants of 360 W. 11th Street. According to the Villager, the ode-to-Venetian residential building involved constructing an 11-story addition above an existing three-story former stable. This past June, the wraps came off the building, as black construction netting was removed to reveal its color. Andrew Berman, Greenwich Village Society for Historic Preservation Director, got Schnabel's panties in a bunch by calling it “hot pink,” to which the artist fired back that it was really “Pompeii red.” Rumor has it that Bono is hankering to be Schnabel's suite mate, as well as Madonna and Patrick Swayze. As for the name, Palazzo is Italian for Palace and Chupi--well, who knows. For one, it's Spanish for sucker, and with a +$15 million pricetag for a single unit, you can't help but find it fitting.

Gratuitous Aaron Eckhart.

So I usually have a no-blondes policy, but in this case I'll make an exception. I recommend Conversations with Other Women for 90 consecutive minutes of his smug good looks. Damn...how many days 'til The Dark Knight release?!

Patience is a Virtue I Need to Learn.

Does it ever feel like you're rushing through your life to get to the next big thing? I hear myself saying "Tomorrow I will.." or "I can't wait until..." or "when I'm in older..." but rarely, rarely, do I take it a day at a time. Unfortunately, as those who know me can attest to, patience has never been a virtue of mine. I'm an impatient fool who longs for instant gratification--how do I learn to appreciate the wait?! I'm worried that one day I'll turn around and come face to face with a mirror and see myself, 30, with little more than 10 years of a rushed adulthood behind her. I'll be a successful film producer--fingers crossed!--who's misplaced her most precious commodity: time. I love my friends, my family, my life in DC, but I still feel like I'm cruising on autopilot, waiting for the signal to switch it off and begin my life. I fear an existence backed up by nothing but words--by "should'ves" and "could'ves" and other such conditionals that drip with longing and regret. How do I live in the now and not in the when? Maybe its this era, this "ME" generation, thats affected my thinking. We're so used to everything on the spot. Processes that used to take hours or minutes now take seconds, and the whole span of human knowledge is at our fingertips. It's like I'm running a race against my peers but none of us see the coffin sitting at the finish line. Why do we all feel like we're going to be left behind if we're not constantly transforming, moving forward, preparing for something? Maybe the Luddites have a point. Life was sweeter before technology complicated it.

Soundbyte

"Just as black anger often proved counterproductive, so have these white resentments distracted attention from the real culprits of the middle class squeeze – a corporate culture rife with inside dealing, questionable accounting practices, and short-term greed; a Washington dominated by lobbyists and special interests; economic policies that favor the few over the many."

--Remarks of Senator Barack Obama Constitution Center Tuesday, March 18th, 2008 Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Gratuitous.

Maybe I WILL read "The Hottest State." Via New York Magazine.

Sadism on Screen

So much for a fun night at the movies. I saw Michael Haneke's Funny Games a couple of nights ago and unfortunately for me, I haven't been able to get it out of my head. A shot-by-shot remake of his earlier German film of the same name, this Funny Games takes place in an idyllic gated vacation community in New England. The movie opens with a birds eye shot of the ill-fated protagonists' Land Rover as it travels down an empty highway, slyly tipping its hat to the opening sequence of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining. It's obvious that Haneke is a huge fan of Kubrick because allusions to his work can be found all over this movie. I found examples of the obvious influence--A Clockwork Orange--but also of Barry Lyndon in its stationary camera and extended time between cuts and 2001: A Space Odyssey in the sterile backgrounds and use of silence. However, the similarities don't stop at the film's appearance. Like Kubrick, Haneke delights in toying with his audience, taking a common genre and turning it on its head and in this case, leaving its audience feeling more ill than exhilarated. Funny Games is a commentary on American viewership and its seemingly bottomless appetite for violence, demonstrated by the success of the Saw and Hostel films, as well as countless others. These movies whip their audiences into adrenaline induced frenzies with lightning cuts, hot bodies, a rockin' score, and of course, to the sadistic delight of the audience, creative new methods of torture and violence that parade across the screen like show ponies at the county fair. While the above-mentioned focus on cramming into 100minutes as many new and perverse forms of violence as possible, Haneke's unique method of perversion is his long, drawn out portrayal of the suffering that follows the violence, forcing the audience to wallow in the victims' pain (inflicted mostly off screen), and feel bad about it in the bargain. Where's the blood? The guts? The head rush? Entertainment is reserved for Mr. Haneke alone and the joke is clearly on us, his hapless audience, the victims of his form of a moral spanking. When the film ended, I felt sick to my stomach. Like other horror movies currently in vogue, the villains meted out blows with zealous abandon, but instead of eating up their violent exploits, I found myself wanting to run to the bathroom.

When Will it End?!

Gen. David Petraeus told The Washington Post last week that no one in the U.S. and Iraqi governments “feels that there has been sufficient progress by any means in the area of national reconciliation.”

It used to be cool...and now its awesome.

click it to see it up close. I realize there are some crucial artifacts missing, like Penny Hardaway sneakers and Tonya Harding.

John Adams

After an epic marketing frenzy, the HBO miniseries John Adams finally began on HBO last night. How is this film different than the PBS or History Channel versions I watched in my AP class in high school? Besides from the pedigree, I'm not sure it is. For the most part, this series is helped by (mostly) inspired casting and a budget large enough to allow for beautiful costumes and a detailed set. Apart from that, I was disappointed. Last night's episodes suffered from poor dramatic timing, a mistaken decision to film hand-held, and awkward use and non-use of score, revealing what must have been a constant debate among the filmmakers: whether the series' final intent was drama or docudrama. While at times the film aspires to be a thinking man's The Patriot, at other times it feels too bogged down in an accurate--or McCulloghian--view of the period leaving the characters feeling almost cartoonish, more "Colonial Williamsburg" then colonial Williamsburg. The best scenes are easily the ones featuring Tom Wilkinson's Ben Franklin who frankly, was the pimp of the Continental Congress. Impishly wheeling and dealing with Adams, Edward Rutledge, John Dickinson and Thomas Jefferson, Wilkinson is by far the most comfortable and alive in his role. Perhaps in the coming episodes the series will settle a bit and find a more compelling middle ground. More to come once Washington crosses the Delaware.

January-March: A Cinematic Wasteland

I would like to go back in time and punish the studio suits who decided that it wasn't worth their while to open decent movies post-Christmas. What the hell is a cinephile to do? We don't all live in NYC where alternatives such as the Angelika or Landmark East exist to tide us over til the frost thaws. Checking out the listings for tonight, this is what I see: 1. Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who aka Madagascar meets Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Gag me. 2. 10,000 B.C. Where is the Rock? This movie was better when it was called Scorpion King 3. College Road Trip, because "Are We Done Yet?" wasn't enough. 4. Vantage Point. Granted, this sounded great, so kudos to the team who cut the trailer because from what I hear, it's the best part of the movie. The rest is a yawn. I want Matthew Fox naked! 5. Doomsday aka 28 days later aka Twelve Monkeys aka about a dozen other movies who have done it better. Why?!? WHY?! 6. The Bank Job. see above. Didn't Jason Statham already make this movie? Hasn't this been done to death and by people twice as talented! 7. Never Back Down aka Tough White Kids. Like in Karate Kid. And Step Up. Except without the redeeming factors of Mr. Miyagi and sweet dance moves. 8. Semi-Pro. A carbon copy of Blades of Glory, and when is a copy as good as the original? 9. The Other Boleyn Girl. If there were ever a period piece to be rated R, it would be this. But no, just PG-13. As much of a bore as Girl with A Pearl Earring. 10. Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day-The only thing that sparks a glimmer of interest, but only in relation to the other meager offerings. I got enough of perky Amy Adams in Enchanted. My first order of business as a studio big shot will be to throw out all the idiots who thought these movies would actually generate revenue and retool the winter season so movies that are both entertaining AND profitable make their way to the masses.

Hallmark for Hipsters and More!

In case you've been living under a rock. Better.Than.Hallmark. On an unrelated note, does anyone else find Garrison Keillor incredibly sexy? Okay, maybe not the man, but there is something about his wry humor about the current era and his nostalgia for the radio era that is both soothing and a turn-on. Like drinking scotch on the rocks with Harrison Ford. Well, maybe that's just me. http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/03/12/opinion/edkeillor.php Even better, check out A Prarie Home Companion on iTunes podcasts.

No Glove for the Gov

Does power beget peversion or perversion, power? Why is it that some of the brightest stars have the darkest centers? We don't just need to look at the scandals from the past twenty years to find examples of dastardly misdeeds. From the "extraordinary appetites" of the Bourbons of France to Spain's King Philip IV and his thirty illegitimate children, these rowdy royals harbored a sexual lust of limitless bounds that would make some of today's torchbearers blush in comparison. Spitzer may have been a steamroller, but in a state famous for its political machines, corruption, and general success at blocking all efforts at change, he successfully brought down Wall Street corruption and refused to back down from a hostile legislature. From the outside, it seemed, his conscience was clean. So which came first, the chicken or the egg? (To read more about Europe's swinging past, check out: Royal Babylon: The Alarming History of European Royalty by Karl Shaw.)

Golden Suicides Immortalized

History of Glamour No one can deny they had talent.

What Women dont Want and dont Need

I was appalled to read this article in the Post a few days ago. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/29/AR2008022902992.html?referrer=emailarticle Here was my response.

"What a relief that there still exists a population of shrewish, self-loathing women out there peddling misogynist fabrications about the "fairer sex." I had thought for sure that in this day in age, a day in which more women head major entertainments studios then men, females are routinely cast in positions of strength on television shows such as Heroes, Bionic Woman, The Closer, Damages, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer to name only a few, and a woman running for president has routinely proven to be more "battle-ready" then her male competitor, such a species had become extinct. Well, fear not fellow females! Just as the African-Americans' intelligence was routinely and systematically challenged by so-called "science", our sex is also privy to such biased and routinely political degradations.

While Ms. Allen may be content to come and go swooning over Michelangelo, I myself am content NOT to waste my time obsessing over the inanities of Grey's Anatomy or The Oprah Winfrey Show or Botox water cooler talk—which as it happens, is a frequent topic discussed by many aging male professionals, including horror film director Eli Roth in a recent blog post on his website. Need we look farther than Entourage? Or how about the rise of the metrosexual? For every "embarrassing" female characteristic is an equally foolish masculine counterpart. Let Ms. Allen continue to harmlessly flap her dimwitted trap if only to give the more evolved female population a good laugh on Monday morning.

But then again, women don't read the newspaper."